Common Myths About Grief

Via Craftberry Bush

Hi friends! I know it has been a while since my last post. After graduation, I went to Italy for the first time ever (a lifelong dream!). Then I took some time to slow down, reevaluate, and figure out the post-grad AMFT life. I transitioned from a part-time therapist position to full-time. I met up with friends. I decluttured my husband's stash of construction materials (who needs 7 TUBES of silicone?!?!). This season of resetting and re-energizing was great and I am now ready to get back into full gear! Today I wanted to talk to you about grief and what it looks like when the people you know are experiencing grief.  

Common Myths About Grief

We all experience grief at some point in our lives. There are many different experiences and definitions of grief. The more we know about it, the better we can care for ourselves and our loved ones during the grieving process. 

1. Grief only happens when someone passes away. 
• When we think of grief, most often we think about it as a response to a death. However, grief can be linked to other types of loss in life: material (house burned down), relational (divorce/break-ups), functional (loss of eyesight, hearing, memory), roles (losing independence due to aging/quitting career to become a caregiver for an aging parent) and others. 
2. If you aren't crying, it means you aren't sad about the loss. 
• Depending on your cultural background, crying may be an encouraged or discouraged response to grief. Crying is a common response to sadness, but it is not the only one. Those who don't cry may be feeling as much pain as others; they just have other ways of expressing it. For example, instead of crying, a grieving person might throw themselves into planning funeral arrangements or overachieving in school/work. 
3. The pain will go away faster if you ignore it. 
• Ignoring any kind of negative emotion is not good for your mental health. It can have repercussions on your physical health, affect your relationships, and alter how you perceive the world around you. 
4. There is a linear progression to grief. 

• You may have heard of the stages of grief. You may have even seen a neat curve graph depicting how grief works. Unfortunately, grief is not that simple, and everyone grieves differently. You will jump back and forth between different grief responses (Ex: depression -> anger -> denial -> depression) and that is TOTALLY NORMAL! 
5. Grief has a set time span of about 1 year.
• You might think that you just have to "get over it" at a certain point. It may seem like others have already moved on, so you should too. Again, everyone grieves differently, and your journey through that, whether it is weeks or years long, is TOTALLY NORMAL! 
• Sidenote: There are depressive disorders that are triggered by grief. Most often they are indicated by how they affect the person's daily functioning. These cases should be assessed by a mental health professional. 
6. It is important to stay strong in the face of grief. 
• You may feel the need to ignore your own pain to support those around you who are grieving. (Confession: I struggle with this) It is important to take care of yourself in this time (read #3). Also, crying or expressing your grief can actually be ways to help others grieve as well.