The Control Circle

Let's talk about control. I wanted to share a simple exercise with you called The Control Circle that I often do with clients who are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about a situation.

First, draw a circle. Imagine that this circle represents you. The area outside of the circle represents everything outside of you; your family, friends, workplace, government, etc.

People who have an external locus of control means that their emotional and mental state is controlled by the things outside of the circle. Some examples could be taking someone's comments personally, or feeling trapped and helpless when someone is crossing a line with you (a boss expecting too much, a friend being too emotionally dependent on your support).

People who have an internal locus of control means that their emotional and mental state is controlled by the things within the circle. Having an internal locus allows them to stay at an emotional equilibrium, regardless of the storm raging on outside of them.

When we try to pull things that belong outside of our circle into our circle, this is often the source of emotional distress. We are taking on burdens that do not belong to us. It is important to remind yourself, whether visually or mentally, of what is within your control and what is outside of your control.

Take the circle you have drawn and list the things that are within your control inside the circle, and the things that are outside your control on the outside of the circle. Sort out the ideas and issues that are really bothering you. Sometimes, one issue is broken up into different parts with some going outside the circle and some going inside. Keep going until you cannot think of any other ideas.

When you are done filling in and outside the circle, take a step back and look at the big picture. How do you feel knowing that the things that are within your control are things that you are completely capable of doing? Suddenly, the unmanageable situation starts to feel manageable.

I did the exercise for myself regarding the Covid-19 Pandemic as an example:

Inside the circle (What I do have control over):

• My efforts to give back and help
• How often I wash my hands and clean surfaces
• Being diligent with Personal Protective Equipment use
• How often I consume news updates and what sources I use
• Practicing social distancing
• Taking time for self care and connection

Outside the circle (What I do not have control over):

• The progression of the pandemic
• How others protect themselves
• How others protect me or neglect to protect me
• The decisions made by the County, the Governor and the President
• Availability of certain items at stores
• Wait times at stores
• How other countries are doing with the pandemic

May is Mental Health Awareness month. Please continue to support your community and educate others about the importance of having a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Take care my friends and a shoutout to my sister Miho @miho_homie who created these graphics!


Yuki